Agreed the British have a sense of humor and can be unbelievably polite for no apparent reason but there is still tons of things they do that leave mepuzzled. Some of the things I say may seem valid only from my point of view because I am Indian, but some of the things I say are definitely valid because they are true!

So here is my list of 10 things that are just wrong about London
1. Pants means underwear: 
How can pants mean underwear? Pants are pants! When I say I spilled coffee on my pants I obviously DO NOT mean in my underwear! #englishfail

2. Birds eat organic seeds: 
Anyone who has been to Hyde Park knows what I am talking about. The pigeons and ducks are just fat and over fed that too with the good stuff! Even I cant afford to buy organic food in this city given that I am a poor student and well… just poor. In fact pigeons back in India get to eat plastic and die!

3. Your bag can get it’s own seat: 
Notice the people on the bus or the tube. They re almost always occupyingtwo seats. One for them and one for their bags. It doesn’t matter if someone has to stand but the bag will always be seated like some hoity British lady and what’s even better is it doesn’t have to pay the obnoxious £ 2.90! #freeseatwins

4. Sorry
Your day has to begin and end with ” Sorry”. When you don’t know what to say just say sorry. If you want someone to move instead of “excuse me” just say sorry and they’ll magically know you want them to move. My friend once told me she saw a man kick a pigeon accidentally while walking and say sorry to it before his friend asked him ” Why are you apologizing to the pigeon”?

Britishness-5
Photo Credit: Google Images

5. Just eat your letters
Gloucester Road is pronounced as “Gloss-ter Road”. Leicester square is ” Les-ter square”. You have to pretend like the “ces” doesn’t exist. It’s called British English.

6. Fish n chips is basically a kitchen disaster
I am yet to meet someone who has tried the authentic fish n chips here and recommends it to people. The fish is tasteless and the chips don’t count! Oh and they even have this disgusting looking green paste called “mushy peas” (Literally mashed peas)they serve with it. Basically whoever has eaten it had only one thing to say ” £ down the drain”.

Fish,_chips_and_mushy_peas
Photo Credit: Google images

 


7.Totally okay to be drunk on the tube
So taking the last tube home is an experience I would personally recommend to anyone who wants a little entertainment. From people puking(which is not entertaining I agree) to singing, being loud and even some what pole dancing, you get to see British people at their best/worst!

8. Ant-free chocolate muffin

This is actually pretty awesome but it does feel wrong to me. I can leave a chocolate muffin on my table just like that, without having to go through the pain of finding an air tight container or sealing it in some way and there will be NO ants! In India a single grain of sugar was enough to attract an army of ants and create a nuisance.




9. Cars stop but bikes wont
In India nothings stops for you and you’re likely to get run over even by a two wheeler or Rickshaw but over here I was just beginning to get used to the idea of how awesome life can be for pedestrians until I almost got hit by a bike. Okay not almost but I was pretty sure the guy would have run over me had I not looked in time.

10. Bottomless pit instead of a liver
I think the British are blessed with a bottomless pit in place of a functional liver. No matter what time of the day it is or how important the post lunch meeting is there is always people drinking everywhere. You don’t even need a reason. Friday night is almost the same thing as Monday afternoon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “London: 10 things that are just wrong

  1. Hahah! I can totally relate to this. Especially the bit where you say “sorry” everywhere and anywhere. Usually i just mumble a mixture of “sorry, excuse me.” and the other person also responds with a “sorry.” So don't really know whose mistake it is.

    I disagree about the part in the tube. People are usually doing their own thing, or staring into space on the tube – they aren't chatty but from my own experience people get up when they see that an older or disabled person needs a seat. I have never seen anyone's bag taking a seat. maybe it's the area you live in. JK.

    Oh and about the no insects part.. I loved that one thing about london so much! no cockroaches, no mosquitios, ants or flies. So awesome. 😀

    I like your writing Vidhi, keep writing and don't stop.

    Hahah, and by the end of your time in london, you're gonna stop being so american and start calling them what they really are- Trousers. 😀

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  2. Lol! I think I'm always going to call them pants! Glad you liked it.. 🙂

    P.s sorry that it took me 5 months to see this comment but I appreciate the feedback!

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