I remember when I was working in Mumbai I would take the train to work every day. And invariably there would be one person shouting in their phones near me saying, “I am just reaching Andheri”. The whole compartment knew we were only approaching Bandra which is a good four stations away from Andheri. Sometimes that person would be me.
The other day I overheard my sister telling someone she is right below their building waiting in the car. She was actually just putting on her shoes and getting ready to leave the house.
More recently a friend made her dead grandmother die yet again only so that she could bunk work for a day or two. I am not judging just stating what I know.
Be it something small at home or a huge lie at work, lying to your kids or lying to your dad, escaping something or avoiding someone – it happens all the time.
We all lie.
Sometimes we even have trouble accepting we lie:
“That wasn’t a lie, I was being polite!”
“It’s called being diplomatic not lying”
“I may have exaggerated a little but it wasn’t a whole lie”
And sometimes we know we are lying but we do it none the less.
“I didn’t know how else to say no”
“I couldn’t tell her the truth, what else could I say”
I don’t think it’s the lying that is really a problem. There are good lies, the ones that are absolutely life saving/ threatening depending on your situation. It is the fuss around it that is the real problem.
The word “liar” is a problem for most of us. Doesn’t matter how often you lie, the minute you are called a liar it’s like there is a storm in your head. Your blood boils. You get angry. You feel offended. You want to defend yourself. You behave like you were just referred to as a monster.
It is because lying is made to be such a horrible thing in society by all of us today, reiterated by family members, colleagues and sometimes even friends that we are forced to think of it as a sin. More like a crime of some sort. Let’s not even for a minute be mistaken about how this may stop us from committing such a crime. In fact what it seems to do is make us “Lie phobic”.
We forget about all those times that our lies were absolutely necessary or did more good than harm or brought a smile to someone’s face. We only remember lying is bad and god forbid if someone rightly calls us a liar for lying we are going to get into an argument and pick a fight!
So my conclusion about lying is that even though it is common and we see it/do it all the time we hate being called liars. What we all have is a lie phobia. Lies are never thought of as real lies. We are so afraid of being labelled as liars that we prefer to live in denial.
“What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over”