It’s been a month and more. This question is still staring me in the face. It refuses to go. Not from my undone to-do that says ‘finish post’ and certainly not from the inside of my head. I keep coming back to it and yet I am not really sure. Something about it pushes me to give it a shot.
24 hours. Erase it. Start over.
…I think again.
Two words run through my mind like wildfire.
Do it. Make a mistake. Start over.
I suddenly know why I couldn’t get over it all this while. I have been posed with a question to which the right answer is…
(From bungee jumping to robbing a bank to killing somebody to screaming on top of a building to making a fool of yourself in a crowded street, a person could want to do all of this and more!)
It could be anything. Or it could be nothing at all.
I think I know what I would do.
I would just live.
Live without a plan.
Live without fear.
Live without guilt.
Live without worrying.
Live without pretending.
I would just do.
None of what I was supposed to.
All of that I wanted to.
I realize I have been so afraid of everything.
Of being wrong. Of making mistakes. Of losing. Of not knowing.
Of not having a plan, that the life I lead is almost dead.
I talk about listening to my heart and relying on my gut but most of the times I am so afraid of what is going to happen that I end up doing exactly the opposite.
As I think, I realize two things:
a. I am scared of making mistakes
b. I am more scared than I need to be
This simple question got me thinking because it made me think of slip-ups in a good way. It made me want to make mistakes. It made me want to be wrong.
Again and again, until I would be right.